My Struggle with Self-Consciousness...
I've had some interesting conversations after the foot washing this past Sunday morning. On the lighter side I must say that when I stepped off the platform with the basin in hand everyone on that side of the auditorium leaned back in their chair with a look of fear in their eyes. I think those in the front row were so traumatized they may never sit up front again! It was actually pretty funny. One of the most interesting responses came from a woman who emailed me Monday morning (and gave me permission to share this story).. She wrote about how ugly her feet are. Her husband quips that he loves her from the top of her head to her ankles. She hated the thought of someone ever washing her feet because she has the ugliest feet in the world.
Her honesty was refreshing.Then she shared something that moved me...
Anyway the purpose of my email was not to be funny...I was thinking how embarrassed I would be if I had to have my feet washed. It's because I really am embarrassed at my feet. It's not about pride for me. It's really about SHAME. God revealed to me during your sermon that there are people who feel that way about their entire personhood. They feel ashamed of who they are and so they push people away and avoid people and don't feel worthy to be around certain people...I feel horrible about my feet but there are people who feel horrible about their whole self. Wow. Now my thoughts are going somewhere different. Imagine how the leper felt when Jesus touched him...maybe this doesn't seem all that important but it brought me to tears this morning.
Her thoughts caused me to reflect about how self-conscious I am...and how often it prevents me from experiencing and expressing the love of Jesus.
Sunday morning when Father prompted me to wash my friend's feet my first thought was not "How cool to express Jesus' love to a friend" but "What will people think of me?" How sad. Worrying about what people may think about me has hindered my spiritual journey for way too long. How freeing it was to respond the Spirit's prompting (for a change...) in washing my friend's feet...and to get so lost in expressing Jesus' love that I wasn't aware of anyone else in the room.
Whatever your thoughts about washing feet...May we all experience increasing freedom to follow our Father's leading without the fear of what other's may think about us.
Fighting for your heart,