Finding a Place for Passion
I've always struggled to find a comfortable place for passion. My pattern has been to keep my deepest passions in check. Maybe because I don't trust them. Being painfully honest I'm afraid to risk losing the approval and acceptance of people. The thing about passion is that it removes any doubt about what I most deeply believe and value. So it's always a bit risky. Today I look back at my efforts to keep people's approval (with lots of regret) and see that one of the casualities was passion. I've not allowed myself to feel deeply and express openly what I most deeply believe and value.
Finding a more comfortable place for passion also asks me to embrace the cost of passion. I recently began rereading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's classic book The Cost of Discipleship. It begins with a moving memoir of Bonhoeffer's life. His passion to speak against the evil's of Hitler's Germany cost him years in prison and ultimately his life. But so deeply felt was his calling and conviction that he was compelled to give voice to it - whatever the cost. Remarkably his years in prison were not marked by resentment but by delight in embracing the cost of his passion - he galdy served fellow inmates with compassion until the day of his execution.
I'm drawn to such passion. And I'm saddened by how little I feel moved by a conviction I would be willing to die for...how little I am prepared to embrace the cost of giving voice to the things I mos deeply believe and value.
I wrote this prayer in my journal a few days ago...
Father - enable me to live more comfortably with the passionS that burn deep within me...passions I believe You have given me...may I give voice to my passions with more freedom, courage and resolve...inspired by a holy restlnessness that sustains a perserverance that keeps my passion alive...whatever the cost.
Not only is it my prayer fo myself...It's my prayer for each of you!
Fighing for your heart,